What you should do this weekend (aside from reading this).

So it's weekend time again. Which means one thing -- time to get drunk and throw watermelons off the roof! Or at least catch some good music. So here are some suggestions for activities that might get you out of the A/C.

Friday:
1) Jello Biafra speaks at the Somerville Theatre. Jello is pretty much the coolest ever. Aside from being the frontman for the best L.A. punk band ever, he's spent the last ten years or so trying to be elected mayor in San Francisco, running for president and speaking across the country. He's also had time to collaborate with the Melvins and Mike Patton.
2) Nine Inch Nails and Bauhaus play in the middle of nowhere to 25,000 adoring Ticketmaster whores. The only people who are going to get to see the guy from Bauhaus hang upside down and hiss like a bat are a) the kids with really fast fingers, b) in the NIN fan club or c) payed an obscene assload of cas on eBay. Good for them.
3) Liars and Apes play at Paradise, speak out against pronouns. If you have yet to be convinced that this show is gonna be fucking choice, head over to Liars website and check out the pictures of them live. My favorite is the one of the guitarist with the "stop shopping" trench coat thing.
4) Final Fantasy and Alex Lukashevsky go all Ruskie on us. Go to T.T. the Bear's if you want to hear a lot of violin playing. Or just will lap up anything anyone involved with the Arcade Fire puts out. Or are just curious at the Owen Pallett hubbub. It's interesting stuff, I have to say.
5) Mark Knopfler ejaculates all over his guitar strings for three hours at the Bank of America Pavilion. Emmylou Harris is going to be playing at this one, if you're about that. I like her voice, but if I wanted to see Dire Straits songs played I would wait for Dire Straits to reunite. That's all.

Saturday:
1) Dave Brubeck does his yearly thing at Berklee. Even though he's been doing it for years, I still have yet to go see him. I'm a fucking moron. He made some of the most delighting, great music of the 50's. Could anybody turn down a chance to see "Take Five" with an extended piano solo? So awesome.
2) Taking Back Sunday and Angels and Airwaves play the Tweeter Center just to prove to me that they actually are more famous than I thought. I used to love this band. I saw them open for Piebald and Ben Kweller back in the day. I haven't heard any of their new stuff, can someone go and tell me if they suck?
3) Beirut makes his Boston debut. Rescheduled from a week from now is Beirut's first Boston show at the Lily Pad in Cambridge. Apparently, since playing his first show ever less than two months ago, Zach Condon's ten-man orchestra has made a considerable improvement and they actually are a joy now. I'll probably go to this one, mostly because it's the cheapest. Five bucks!
4) Etta James isn't dead; plays the Bank of America Pavilion. She was one of the most iconic performers of her day, and I'm sure there's a great demographic for going to this show. Not for me, though.
5) Asobi Seksu does a lot less than "make sex". Though I love them to death, I have to admit that even I can't stand this band live. Come on folks. Even My Bloody Valentine played behind a massive mirage of smoke and strobe lights, can't you take a hint?